Cubby’s Week 11 Predictions

Wow. 5-0 in my predictions. A big win over Ross. Honestly don’t get why you all make fun of me for being a virgin when nothing can feel better then my last week. I should get pissed off more often. It obviously worked. Anyway, The Big Dick Bandits are packing heat and feeling it and I’m just going to dive right into the Week 11 outlook.

Big Dick Bandits vs. Bang Dem Sticks

Potential championship game preview? This is the 2nd game I’ve been apart of this year in which the top two teams in the league battle it out for first place. This is a huge game as it’s the only time I play the Colon’s and it is for the tiebreaker. That could be major leading into the final weeks of the season when it comes to 1st round bye implications. Anyway, George Kittle is on bye this week so that hurts my team quite a bit. Cooper Kupp going down takes away one of my flex options, but with Amari Cooper getting lots of volume in Dallas and Corey Davis starting to produce, my team still looks fine. Meanwhile, I get to face the 2 headed beast in Todd Gurley and James Conner. These dudes have been dropping 30 burgers and leaving cum stains across everyone in the league. Will I fall victim next? Yes. I’m going to bet against myself. First off, I did say in week 6 that Tyler’s team was better than Naughton’s when talking about the top team in the league. If Tyler wins this matchup, technically I prove myself right. If I win, well I’m wrong in my prediction but I take the 1st place spot in the league. I’ve been learning to hedge my bets, it’s wise investing. Anyway, Gurley and Conner are against the Jags and KC. That’s at least 2 40-burgers right there. The rest of my team is better than the Colon’s but I guess I’ll just prove that in the playoffs.

Cubby Cleanup Crew vs. Kiss Dem Titties Mitch

5 weeks ago this would’ve been a super hyped up matchup. This week it’s just two teams that everyone feels bad for. But, this game has huge playoff implications. As Jake Kerr pointed out to me, he owns the tiebreakers over both Drew and Naughton’s team. With the time difference finally catching up to Drew, and Naughton being too busy smashing poon (congrats on the sex) to keep track of his 80 year old fantasy football team that’s struggling to use the bathroom, this could be an interesting matchup. Naughton’s team relies on Mark Ingram. In the weeks Ingram has had a big game, Naughton’s team has played well. If not, he’s done. Drew’s team relies on if he can guess his flex correctly. With Sammy Watkins back, this should help him quite a bit. That said, I’ve got Naughton taking this win. He has more games being played at home on his roster and Barkley against the Giants. Last week against the 49ers was a fluke, Barkley gets after it this week. Here’s to hoping he starts the right tight end.

T C M vs. Cubbys Commiser Chode

Smith, you’re going to get beef stewed this week. It’s not going to be consensual. I know you used to do this to kids like Naughton on the playground. This week, karma catches up to you. My only advice to you as you go through this traumatic experience is to take in the wonderful view of Ross’ rack as he rips ass in your face.

Rudolph the no Catch Reindeer vs. Jake Loves His Sloppy Seconds

Man, Kevin’s team has been a fucking machine. It produces like Jake produced ex-girlfriends in high school. This week should be no different. Matt is going to have to start T.J. Yeldon, Nyheim Hines, or Jamaal Williams. Which one magically falls into the end zone as a backup? I don’t know. Either way, really don’t think Matt has any chance to win this week. Kevin’s team is stacked and is going to be a threat in the playoffs. Matt’s team is struggling and is trying to avoid the sacko bowl (for the 2nd straight year). Wouldn’t want to see you do this after we couldn’t put it together this past year.

Mr. Fifth Place vs. The Kidney Shifter

Match of the week. Both sets of brothers go up against each other this week which is awesome. This one is way more entertaining. Both teams are 5-5. Playoff tiebreakers are on the line. Each team wants to win out. Both teams have been on fire. The pressure is on. At first glance, both teams will be missing out on their full potential as Breida and Chubb are on a bye. There’s an outside chance that Josh gets A.J. Green back this week which would be huge, but even if he doesn’t he still has Tyler Boyd. Travis Kelce has been the top TE all year, but Hooper is coming off of another big week as he’s been a solid option and improving as the season goes on. This matchup honestly comes down to…well matchups. I like Josh’s matchups better this week. Wentz against New Orleans and Zeke against the Falcons are promising. Allen Robinson looked great last week, Lindsay faces the Chargers. The Rams have a good defense despite the Chiefs offense looking unstoppable and it’s a game that could easily be a shootout. That said, Mixon is up against the Ravens defense. The Steelers are most likely to stick to a running attack against the Jags, who can slow down the pace of the game on the other side of the ball by feeding the beast in Fournette. Jake’s roster is stronger, but I really like Josh’s matchups this week. Also, little brother wins the other matchup so I’ve gotta balance it out with the big brother here. Josh wins.

Prediction Summary

Tyler > Cubby
Naughton > Drew
Ross > Smith
Matt < Kevin
Josh > Jake

Predicted Standings

1. Colon’s (8-3)
2. Cubby (7-4)
3. Kevin (7-4)
4. Naughton (7-4)
5. Ross (6-5)
6. Drew (6-5)
7. Josh (6-5)
8. Jake (5-6)
9. Matt (3-8)

League Cum Dumpster: Smith (0-10)