Happy week 2 guys. Got things kicked off on Thursday night with a good ole clown fiesta as we like to call it in the gaming world. Feel like I have a major advantage predicting after seeing a night of games! Just kidding, I predicted the games with Josh on the podcast, and I’ll stick to those predictions for this one. Just trying to keep things honest throughout all this, to prove that I am a sack of shit at predicting in the end. Anyway, reading through my week 1 predictions, I was actually on one writing that. I had some great references that I’ve been waiting 9 months to get out. I had a baby of an article week 1. This week, not so much. I’m a tired mother who can’t sleep and just put out all of the content and references week 1. Don’t have much for this week. Anyway, let’s go over my predictions from last week real quick vs. what actually happened.
Cubby’s Week 1 Predictions
Smith > Ross
Matt > Josh
Drew > Tyler
Naughton > Jake
Kevin > Cubby
Week 1 Results
Ross > Smith (L)
Josh > Matt (L)
Tyler > Drew (L)
Naughton > Jake (W)
Kevin > Cubby (W)
Week 1, I went 2-3 in my predictions and took an L myself in fantasy football. I take some solace in the fact that I was correct in predicting myself to lose. That’s going to continue this week. Anyway, Smith fucked me over again in predictions as always, the Naughton vs. Jake game was close as I predicted, and I’m still waiting to see Matt Davis’ team show up. Where was Sony Michel? Where was Jameis Winston? Anyway, it’s week 1 of the fantasy football season. Long way to go, so let's not get too over our skis here.
… … vs. Cub’s Dick Chubb (Jake vs. Cubby)
Week 2 of me taking an absolute dick smacking and I don’t want to talk about it. Enjoy my butthole early in the season, cause I’m gonna tighten things up as things continue. I have a few outs of how I can win this game. You’ve gotta think that the Browns as a team are going to have a revenge game against the Jets this week. They got embarrassed last week, and any time Baker Mayfield has something to prove he delivers. Let’s hope Nick Chubb can do the same. I also love Calvin Ridley going up against the same Eagles defense that gave up huge plays to the Redskins last week. It’s also the same Eagles defense that held the Redskins to 28 yards on the ground week 1, and the Falcons are a titty better at home. That said, Mixon is dinged up, I don’t like the fact the majority of my lineup is on the road, and there’s a real chance that the Patriots defense could be the highest scoring player I have on my team this week (I mean, they’re playing the Dolphins). For Jake, it’s a repeat of last year. He’s got Mahomes and Watkins with a hurt Tyreek Hill which means that this game is just going to reek of sex. Mahomes loves to have some quickies on the field, and OBJ gets to have apart of the revenge game as well. Jake also picked up James White, so another massive fuck you to everyone in the league. Why do we let Jake go to town on us every regular season? Is it gay if you bang dudes for 13 weeks just to take it once around Christmas? Sounds pretty straight to me, I mean Christmas is a time where gifts are given and Jake owes all of us at least one hot, steamy load at that time of the year after what he does to us for the rest of the season. It’s his gift to us that we get to be the pitcher once a year. That was me last year in the playoffs, I get to catch this week. Fuck me.
Motherfuckerr Jones vs. Cubby’s Bengal Tiger Moves (Josh vs. Ross)
Listening to Ross in the groupme week 1 was like your girlfriend having a pregnancy scare. So much raw fear and emotion, that could’ve all been solved with 1 accurate pee test. Well in the end, Ross came out on top of Smith in the 1st bout of the frat superstar playoffs, and now he gets to take on Josh in the 2nd round after Josh kicked the shit out of that nerdy kid that was grandfathered into the fraternity. Lot of interesting things going on in this game. Loved Ross’ receivers in this game, and I loved Josh’s running backs in this game. Alvin Kamara is a monster, and 2 Chiefs players against Oakland is dangerous. Overall, I talk a lot in the podcast about how I love Josh’s team and really think he can compete. David Montgomery should get more carries this week and the Bears are setup for a revenge game against the Broncos, much like the Browns are against the Jets. That said, we all made fun of Ross when he picked up Alshon Jeffery, but we all forgot that he’s Wentz’ favorite target. Jeffery and Wentz have a steady, long term, very sexual relationship. And, we all got that reminder last week when Ross’ team got some plan B on health insurance from Jeffery. The big question marks for Ross this year are going to be his RB’s. Gurley quietly went for 100 yards on the ground week 1 and had a solid work load, but he was vultured in the end zone by Malcom Brown. Twice. Freeman should’ve been the feature back in Atlanta with Coleman gone, but the Vikings defense shut him down and the Falcons found some success with Ito Smith, who should be rostered in our league. He’s a solid player. That said, Nuke Hopkins is one of the best players in the NFL and it’s going to be awesome watching him go toe to toe with Jalen Ramsey this week. Ross, your team has the potential to be good if you can answer your RB question marks, and I don’t think you do that this week against Josh. Josh starts to prove why he’s one of the best teams in the league starting this week.
Bang Dem Sticks vs. Cubby’s Social Butthole (Colon Bros vs. Kevin)
Honestly after week 1 and looking at these rosters, we have a battle of the titans of the league this week. Tyler dropped over 140 points week 1 off the back of Lamar Jackson. Words no one in this league thought would be said, except Tyler. Lamar Jackson was an absolute beast in college and set NCAA touchdown records. Since the Dolphins are a collegiate team at best, it makes sense that Lamar Jackson went to town on them too. Even RGIII got in there and tossed a titty. Just a brutal beat down of a game. Anyway, I love both of these rosters. Tyler has a great handcuff of the PIT backfield, Lamar Jackson looks like one of the best value picks in the draft, and Dalvin Cook just shit down the Falcons throat week 1. I can still hear Kevin saying “Cook has only rushed for over 100 yards in 1 game of his career.” Well, it’s a little thing called All-Purpose Yards Kevin. Oh ya, and Cook rushed for 111 yards last week. Packers defense looked good, but most of that was off the back of their secondary. I’ve gotta think that the Vikings are going to rely heavily on Cook and establishing the run. Also, PIT can’t be that bad for another week so Connor will do more this week. As for Kevin, he’s got some interesting starter decisions as always. Brieda is coming in after getting dinged up week 1 (go figure) over Aaron Jones. As for Kevin, Josh Jacobs looked awesome in his rookie debut. Looked like a 3rd year RB in his 1st NFL game. Really solid play from him, and CMac is gonna be CMac this year. Only thing holding him back from being the 2nd best RB in the league is his own team. Most of this game is going to be on the shoulders of JuJu and Josh Gordon. Can these players win the pie in the game as Tyler has Connors and Edelman. Going to be a really close game, the difference maker for me is Tyler has Eckler going up against the Lions. Just think he barely edges Kevin out, but both teams will prove their going to be forces to be reckoned with this fantasy season (until Dalvin Cook gets hurt in 2 weeks).
The DM Doctor vs. 0-1 (Naughton vs. Smith)
Ryan Smith, when are you going to stop fucking me? Literally every time I put faith in your team, you fuck me. On the other hand, Naughton I’d rather look at my grandmother naked than look at your bench. It’s actually disgusting. What were you thinking? Your starting lineup is fine, but you need all the wins you can get now so your bench doesn’t fuck you later this year. Honestly, I remember that Josh and I disagreed on this one but I forget what side I went on. I think I sided with Smith because I like his team a lot better, but he has to start AP. You’re Smith, he’s AP. You 2 were made for each other. Take the switch to Naughton’s tiny hide. Anyway, now that I’m looking at the game and the matchups I wish I would’ve taken Naughton, but I have to go with Smith. It’s like banging the chick who you know is bad for you and you shouldn’t, but you do it anyway because it’s a thrill and she can put 2 legs behind her head. You just have to go in there and get to drilling. Smith, I’m drilling you this week.
Kerryon My Wayward Son vs. Potion Seller (Drew vs. Matt)
How in the actual fuck did Kevin think that my team was panic mode and terrible when Matt’s team exists? We keep talking about me keeping Ridley, let’s talk about how Sony Michel was invisible week 1. I know it’s the Pats and it’s Bill Belichick and he can do whatever he wants, cheat however he wants, and win anyway he wants. But, that’s a major concern as Michel was supposed to be the guy this year. That said, we kept saying on draft day how you can’t go wrong with QB’s this year. Matt proved us all wrong when he reached for Big Ben and backed him up with Jameis Winston. Matt went from thinking he got bonus points for picking all white guys for thinking he gets bonus points for each assault the NFL doesn’t know about on his team. What a couple of slimey QB’s, and also terrible players. I hate Matt’s team. I don’t think it’s good. I don’t see upside, and I think he’s a cut below everyone else. On the other side, I love Drew’s team and believe he’s a top 4 team in the league. Bell played every down week 1, Mark Ingram looked solid, and he’s got some great depth with Jarvis Landry and an awesome McLaurin pickup as well as Dak Prescott. Jerry Jones is about to give that man a golden toilet with a new contract, and Dak is going to repay the favor. Drew had a solid week 1 and just faced the wrong team. He’s facing the right team this week, and I think he blows Matt out of the water. Going to be interesting to see how Matt crunches the numbers to patch his team up. Both managers have won the Shiva, but their other years have made that look like more of a fluke than an actual victory. It’s time for Matt to prove that he doesn’t belong in the Sacko again and it will be interesting to see what happens in the next few weeks.
Weekly Predictions Summary
Jake > Cubby
Josh > Ross
Colons > Kevin
Smith > Naughton
Drew > Matt
Live look at Ross watching his team in the early afternoon games on Sunday.