Oh fuck, we’re legit now. So legit that I now have 2 fantasy sports blogs going up on websites (check out lettermenrow.com mother fuckers). I’m also writing a medium blog about League of Legends. Pretty much, all I do at work is write shit for myself. It’s great. They think I’m writing the Lettermen Row blog right now. I finished that shit earlier. Lets go. Anyway, this week is big for me. Not only is my team 4-2 and coming off of a 2 game losing streak, but I’m 15-15 with my predictions so far. Saved face last week by going 3-2, even predicting my own awful demise. But hey, I still sorta took a dub. I knew I was going to eat shit last week. It’s ok, Kamara and Cook are back in my lineup and the season is only looking up for me. I’m not a team you want to face in the playoffs, and I stand by my belief that I’ll get there.
This week marks the halfway point in our 13 week regular season. After this week, we will be more than halfway to deciding the playoff picture, and man it might be a cluster fuck. We have 2 teams that are clearly in the top tier (Naughton & Ban Dem Dicks) and 1 team that is tanking for a lottery pick in the draft next year (Smith). Smith, sorry but that’s not how it works. Besides that, the other 7 teams are very close in record and team level. I’m excited for a stressful and interesting finish to the Fantasy Season. Let’s see where I see us standing after week 7.
Bang Dem Sticks vs. Kiss Dem Titties Mitch
This would’ve been a really exciting matchup if Drew still had Christian McCaffrey. Instead, he’s gambling on Le’Veon Bell. The Steelers are on bye this week, so Vance McDonald and James Conner are on the bench for Tyler and Drew is missing out on Antonio Brown. That said, I’m giving Tyler the nod. He has Brandin Cooks and Todd Gurley who may only play half the game because of how hard the Rams are going to pound the 49ers. Odds are it won’t be consensual. Drew has Goff so he gets a piece of anything thrown to Cooks but the Colon’s have the better side. He also has Hyde and Laundry who are going up against an awful Tampa Bay Defense. Drew has 3 Eagles players starting in an offense that is still figuring it out. Ertz has been great, but Smallwood isn’t going to get the volume Clement is going to see, and Agholor hasn’t been the same since Jeffrey came back. Diggs is up against a Jets defense that has been solid to start the season. I’ve got the Colon’s.
Jake Loves His Sloppy Seconds vs. Cubbys Commiserable Chode
Kevin vs. Smith (not Naughton, Matt). Smith catches a good break this week as the Packers are on a bye. Adams and Rodgers have been having the hottest sex with each other. Smith isn’t going to get cheese whizz on his face this week. One of the most interesting developments may be if Chris Thompson plays and AP doesn’t. Ryan needs Thompson to produce if he wants to have a chance. Kevin is missing Adams, but he still has Michael Thomas and Emmanuel Sanders going for him. That’s a pretty scary WR core. McCaffrey and James White might see less production going up against good defenses, but Smith has Lamar Miller and Hopkins going up against the Jags. I really want to give Smith the nod, but I don’t think his team is good enough this year. Kevin takes a dub, odds are it’s a low scoring game.
Rudolph the No Catch Reindeer vs. Big Dick Bandits
I played Matt week 1 and won by 1.1 points. Now, Matt has a new team and it’s good. I think Matt’s team is a legitimate threat to be a playoff contender. That said, I’m catching him on a good week. The Packers Defense has been on fire and Graham is on bye as well. That on top of Russell Wilson and Marshawn Lynch being out gives me some hope. That said, I still need some help. If Ridley plays and Cook falls in the end zone on a pitch count, I like my chances. I have good matchups this week and Matt is missing some key players. Creamy Cunt and Sony Michel scare me though. Really just hoping his receivers shit the bed. I’m going to side with myself in a close matchup.
Mr Fifth Place vs. T C M
These middle of the table matchups are huge. In week 4, Josh dropped a steaming load on Ross. It was ugly, and Ross I picked your damn team that week. That said, Ross’ team of backup RB’s and washed up first round picks looks good this week. Josh is dealing with a lot of injuries, and a lot of this matchup might come down to if Breida plays and is healthy. Lindsey was a great pickup but has been seeing less of a workload as the season has gone on. Boyd was a great pickup and is set to have a big game against the Chiefs. Julio Jones might be the difference maker though as the Falcons might be down Sanu and Ridley on Monday Night. Matt Ryan has no choice but to rely on Hooper and Jones to go big in that game, as well as Coleman. Can I pick Ross’ team again? No. Fuck you Ross. I’m going with Travis Kelce baby. That man is an animal. Did you know he played basketball in college? I know I didn’t. Him, Boyd, and Wentz carry Josh to victory as he’s been one of the more consistent teams in the league.
The Kidney Shifter vs. Cubby’s Cleanup Crew
Great matchup. Both teams are coming off huge weeks and have great matchups going into this week. Mahomes and Hill against the Bungals (ya, the Bungals). Barkley is against the Falcons. But I’ve gotta say, I like Jake a lot this week and it would be a huge win for him moving forward. Hooper has seen more targets every week and with Ridley and Sanu dinged up he’s bound to see even more volume. Mixon is going to tear into the asshole that is the Chief’s defense (although it was tighter weeks 4 & 5). Melvin Gordon has been incredible and Jeffrey is obviously Wentz top receiver along with Ertz. Still think Funchess at the flex is better than Howard. But, Jake can find that out when I do my points missed column. Damn, I create a lot of content. Naughton has Ingram and Brees against one of the best defenses in the league and away from home. Kamara gets more play time this week. Ya, Jake improves to 3-4.
Prediction Summary
Colon’s > Drew
Kevin > Smith
Matt < Cubby
Josh > Ross
Jake > Naughton
Predicted Week 7 Standings
- Colon’s (5-2)
- Naughton (5-2)
- Drew (5-2)
- Cubby (5-2)
- Josh (4-3)
- Kevin (4-3)
- Jake (3-4)
- Matt (2-5)
- Ross (2-5)
- Smith (Defeated)
This would be insane