Tyler vs Kevin
After the noon games, Kevin had already tenured his resignation as commissioner, Shiva champ, and as a member of this league. You were lucky that Vance got so many targets because this could have been a point gap of 50. Tyler, way to keep your team moving but i foresee struggles in your future.
Josh vs Ross
Here is the disaster of the week. Josh great job being consistent. Inversely, Ross bad job being consistent. Your team is terrible. Like hot garbage bad. Freeman is shit. Newton is dead. And Alshon should retire. Your team should be pushed out on an iceberg and be left for dead like an Inuit.
Jake vs Cubby
Hot matchup, i really was rooting for this game but Jake just barely missed the mark. Cubby you played the NE D and honestly that the play of the week. Although it was predictable no one thought they’d score 35. Great save Cubby. Jake you are 0-2.
Naughton vs Smith (game of the week)
The primary reason why this game was the game of the week was because this made the Monday game super interesting. It was close, 1.7pts close. Baker came up hot an barely did the business. Team 1-1 did what it needed to do... also Naughton you will now be known as SLUMP BUSTER
Drew vs Matt
Matt lost but it really was close. Your QB and TE situation is really what is keeping you down. Your Josh Allen pick up is hot and i hope it translates because i do not want you in the Sacko. Also snaps for the work horse Lev Bell, he picked up my slack and deserves to escape the FLEX. Also.....SUCK IT, YOU SHIT ZIPPING FRITTATA!
And that was week 2
Comparisons.
Fast food restaurants
Ross: Burger King
Arguably the worst of the worst. You try the occasional out of the box move like start the Bills D and although it gets initial hype, you retreat to your same old shit...like starting Devonte Freeman. Give it up, the whooper is an inferior burger and Freeman is an inferior RB.
Tyler: In and Out
Imma be honest you are just the flashy west coast chain that is massively overrated and if you moved to the Midwest you wouldn’t be special.
Kevin: McDonalds
You are the undisputed champion...ie two Shiva champs. There is a certain respect that is given to McDanks and you also deserve some of that... but your ice cream machine is always broken.
Josh: Tbell
Hot sauce and melted cheese. That’s sexy. But you can really lead to diarrhea, like your team last year.
Smith: Los Burritos Tapatios...
Okay, i always went here when i was drunk or high as fuck. Stays open until 5am and that’s how late i imagine you staying up every night
Jake: Chick-fil-a
You have an excellent sandwich... but you are a self hating gay and sometimes we want the beef and you just can’t get it there.
Cubby: Skyline chili
You give us the squirts... Also you are inferior to a Milwaukee counterpart.
Naugton: Real Chili
You give us the squirts... You are only slightly more tolerable than Skyline
Matt: Arby’s
This motherfucker is soooo unconventional but is actually a staple in the fast food industry. You had a special sauce before a lot of people and that’s awesome. But you are a roast beef sandwich restaurant and when you think about that shouldn’t be a winner anymore.
Drew: Whitecastle
Bro. I’m a 30 burger crave case and i will eviscerate your insides... I’m not shy and I’m rarely what you need but when you do I pair perfectly with Miller Lite and LSD. Shits gonna get wild.