Cubby vs Kevin
Okay, what the fuck was this nonsense. Cubby your team put up 98.6 pts without a defense, that’s pretty commendable. BUT JESUS. Dude you had 2 players who did great but they are not what you can call consistent. Kevin you ripped a hole in Cubby with that josh Jacobs and CMC play. Nice job.
Josh vs Matt
Dude Matt, i feel horrible for you. Your entire team is in a state of panic, excluding Henry and Jackson. I hope it looks up for you but after week 2. Josh, your team definitely played the best it possibly could. But you should totally start John Brown, like definitely, Especially week 3.
Tyler vs Drew
There was honestly nothing i could do. Tyler had an amazing week plus the bench was also stellar. He would’ve dismantled every team in the league this week. My team was definitely commendable and going into the Monday night game i was the top 2 in the league. I can’t be mad because Tyler had a great week
Naughton vs Jake
Very close for Jake and you honestly have to feel for him. His bench was on fire. Like 43 pts from a WR is insane. Dude Naughton you got lucky, and the funniest thing the best part of your team was on your bench and it was a TE! He’s awesome too, you’re fucking dumb as shit for not playing that Corn fed TANK OF A MAN! Don’t get it twisted, your team is garbage. Ohh and Brown is in DEEP SHIT.
Game of the Week
Ross vs Smith
Whoa. Ross your team was bailed out by a fucking NUKE! Your team is a mess going forward... your RB situation is looking rough. Your WRs... i mean Hopkins is great but everyone else is not great. TE is dead. QB is dead. D is dead. Kicker will be fine. Smith your team has actually a lot of upside, i don’t think you’ll lose to Ross next time... BOUNCE BACK BABY! Also Ross your team is worse than 90% of the league...in my opinion.
Comparatives
Modes of transportation
Ryan Smith: Stretch Hummer Limousine
You have expensive tastes but with a dash of trashiness thrown in there for good measure. You’re fun, loud and yet never around. Plus you usually have women inside you... i mean the other way around or not...who knows.
Tyler: A tandem bicycle
This is self explanatory.
Naughton: a unicycle
Contradictory to what Tyler’s team is like where it takes two people to operate one functional vehicle, your vehicle isn’t what I’d call functional. Your rode by clowns and weird people.... dude you had 2 first round picks...
Kevin: A crotch rocket
You are cool, fast and certainly high preforming. You’re all those things but you’re also a huge douche and you might crash and burn.
Jake: A commuter train
You are very dependable. 9 out of 10 times you’re gonna get where you need to go but you certainly aren’t winning any awards. There is always a wildcard scenario with you though like a naked 85 year old women or Sammy Watkins scoring 43pts
Cubby: Walking.
You aren’t even in a vehicle with how bad you are. Like you did even have a first round pick and your first pick was nick Chubb and second pick was Joe Mixon. You are terrible at this
Ross: An electric scooter
Dude you are a terrible mode of transportation, people in real vehicles think you are really bad but the modes of transportation lesser than you think you are good at fantasy (cubby and naughton)
Josh: the waiting list for a future Tesla
You are technically nothing. In theory you are good but when we ask you to show us a proof you can’t because you don’t have it yet. And he’ll you might never have it.
Drew: A Fishing Boat
I’m a great time and am made for beer drinking. On my day I’m a motherfucking winner. But I’m only a winner in certain situations and honestly I’m stuck in some lake in Wisconsin.
Matt Davis: Whatever this is.
