Week 6 Review


Russ “Sacko” Russbin vs Naughton

This was probably the game of the week.
Both of these jokers put up less then 90pts which normally would never qualify because that’s disgraceful. But leaving it on the line for Monday night is like movie magic... Ross’s team laid 3 goose eggs, but was finally graced with Drake’s “skills” against the 2nd to last D in Dallas. Naughton... your team is HAWT GAWBAHGE, like do you have an WR1 or RB1?

Cubby vs Josh

Going into the Monday night game cubby was down some 40pts... but i think very few ever thought his victory was ever in doubt. Cubby makes another victory in his relentless struggle to get CMC back. Josh is continuously jamming out to “Ain't No Mountain High Enough” by Marvin Gaye because he’ll hit the highest mountain of points one week and then die in the lowest valley.
 
Jake vs Smith

Welp, there goes smith’s vale of consistency. Zeke might be the only rb in history that could double fumble in the 1st quarter and not truly effect his position. But this is looking worse and worse week to week. Dallas is not good at football. Smith on paper still has a solid team but things are desperate rn. Jake has somehow created something out of nothing. How the fuck has Davis become a star in CMC’s absence? Idk magic?

Kevin vs Matt

Kevin’s team after having a slow start kind of “came back” but in the end he was beaten by the Will lutz successor, Kpop sensation Youngho Koo. Matt’s team under preformed id say where Kevin’s looked to be on the mark. You can determine what that means for yourself.
 
Drew vs Tyles

Winter came early for Henry who ran a 97 yard TD down my throat. And i left Jefferson on my bench which just continues to tell the fact that I cannot pick a flex if my life depended on it. But the worst part is, this is probably the first game all season that i would have lost no matter what and i am 1-5... making me beg the question, have i lost my touch or did the Shiva curse get me for showing such an appalling lineup in last years Shiva Bowl... fuck....

That’s week 6

 

Comparisons



Usually during week 6 which is a half way point in the fantasy season i do something pertaining to football and not something stupid or irrelevant but i am eating toast and have decided to do types of bread... they can’t all be Pulitzer Prize winners.

Naughton: White bread
This is saying something, you are by far the whitest and most bland person in the league. Some may look at this as a flaw but being the most bland allows you to be a chameleon. Having no flavor allows you to take on other things as if you were the reason it was good, have you ever had a multigrain whole wheat pb&j? It’s offensive.

Cubby: multigrain whole wheat
You are definitely a more robust form to your white bread counterpart and on the surface you certainly look healthier. But you are offensive in a relaxed sort of way. The only time one should turn to you is when we need you in Incredibly niche situation.
 
Smith: Bagel
You have many flavors and are often seen with things spread over you. Jewish people love you and are a staple of New York.

Matt: Pretzel Bun
Everything appears to be better with a pretzel bun. People get so excited when they see it on a menu? “We have a burger, it’s really good, it has a pretzel bun” is like the hottest pickup line amongst Midwesterners.

Russ: Pumpernickel
Knowing what I know now from the 1 year of accelerated German. You sir are a devils fart. Like have you seen yourself? You just scream devils fart.

Tyles: Seed loaf
This stuff is like really good for you because it’s vegan and all that but like c’mon its fucking seeds like give us some real food. And by food i mean MUSIC! Release Drugs.
 
Jake: Poppyseed Hotdog Bun
When all the pieces are together, you are formidable. You add an entirely necessary dimension to a Chicago dog. Even though you are important piece in the bread league but are you ever going to win best bread?

Josh: Sourdough
I remember when i found out about this bread and was weary of something sour and aged. Is this even going to act like other breads? I was proven wrong, sourdough is great. Definitely a good bread, superior to pumpernickel for sure.

Kevin: Tortilla
This is like white bread but better in every way. Like have you ever had a taco? Delicious. But without his pieces he’s nasty, like just a plain tortilla, is that even food(a team)?

Drew: Biscuits
There are two types of biscuits, the ones that are as dry as the Sahara and just inedible or they are fucking the bread of champions. Have you ever had a cheddar bay biscuit? They give me a foodgasm, completely magical, 10/10 would engorge myself with again.